Well that was sad

I obviously did not finish my emotional eating journal, but I t’s not because I gave up! I discovered something interesting about myself on that journey that will stick with me forever. I don’t use food to curb my emotions, I use it to calm my anxiety. My relationship with food has been a tumultuous one but not because I eat when I’m sad- I eat when I’m anxious. If I feel myself getting anxious, I sometimes confuse it with low blood sugar and start wolfing down whatever I can. Same with if I feel a headache coming on, I get anxious about having a migraine and I start eating because for whatever reason my brain thinks that eating will stop a migraine. 

Since my break from writing, I’ve done a lot of self-discovery. I found that I work better when I have a plan in mind and that I need motivation to get anything done. I started Weight Watchers recently and I know it’s what’s right for me. I’ve done it in the past and had great success, but I’m not a kid anymore like I was when I first tried it. It’s going to take some work. I’ve found inspiration in seeing Matt’s cousin, Maimee, and her husband. In the last two years, they have lost a total of 130 pounds and are in a good place spiritually. They follow WW and workout every single day, but they also don’t restrict themselves from having fun. They have found the perfect balance and I am so envious. I cannot wait to get to that point in my journey. 

I’ve joined a Facebook group dedicated to helping people find inspiration and tips/tricks to lose weight and gain confidence. Those people are so encouraging and motivating that it’s insane. I have found my people for this new lifestyle. 

I know it may seem like I’m bouncing from fad diet to fad diet faster than most people change their underwear, but that’s part of the plan; you have to find what works for you and that takes time and exploration of what is out there. 

I hope that one day I can inspire someone as much as Maimee and Jesse have influenced me. 

But for now, I want to share a drink that Maimee told me about and I have been OBSESSED with ever since. It’s only 2 points on WW and tastes better than any other drink you could imagine getting at Starbucks (minus the Pink Drink which is amazing). I don’t have a name for it, but I have it saved in my WW app as “Protein Iced Coffee” because it is packed with 30g of protein to keep you feeling full and satisfied for hours. That, coupled with the espresso, make it my favorite drink. 

Protein Iced Coffee

  • 2 espresso shots (Starbucks or otherwise) in a large cup filled with ice
  • Your favorite flavor of Premier Protein. (Mine is Vanilla)
  • Optional: sugar free flavor shot

Once you have your espresso in the cup with ice, make sure you add more ice to your liking. I prefer all the ice, I love cold drinks. Then add the Premier Protein shake of your choice and boom, you have a delicious and nutritious coffee drink for only $2 and 2 WW points! 

What is your favorite WW recipe? Let me know on twitter or instagram @realtalkwithdee and use the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney



So sorry

I work like 70 hours a week and when I’m not at work I’m either working out or sleeping. Every once in a while I get a chance to do laundry and dishes. Sometimes I can even relax and hangout with my friends! 

I’m lucky enough to have some relatively easy jobs but that doesn’t always leave me time to post. At Dottys, I can’t have my iPad out and I detest posting on my phone (which I’m doing now) but sometimes you have no choice. 

So quick update because I’m at Dottys and can’t finish up the Emotional Eating posts that I’ve been working on. I’ve been eating so good! As clean as I possibly can (minus the donut I had yesterday, you gotta #treatyoself sometimes). I actually spent some time yesterday portioning out some health snack foods that I got at Jewel the other day so that I can just grab a bag and go! 

My goal for the next week is to work more veggies into my diet, because as of now it’s mostly carrots and salad. But I want to get some raw green beans to snack on. I just wish our fridge was bigger than a mini fridge or that mini fridges didn’t use so much power cause I’d get one for outside! 

As for using MyFitnessPal, I’ve been under on my calories every day which is exciting. I haven’t weighed myself because a) I don’t care too much about weight, more how my clothes feel and how I look and b) because the only scale we have is off and the one at the gym is broken. But I’ve been really strict about adding food, even if it’s shit food like the donut I had yesterday. 

Water intake is something I’ve been working on too. I’m usually really good about drinking water- or at least I thought I was. Turns out it’s really hard to drink so much water! But always having my Starbucks cup full of water and ice is helping me tons!

I had some time between jobs on Sunday and I was able to actually cook dinner for the first time in like 2 weeks. I made tofu stir-fry and basically pulled the directions/ingredient list out of my ass and it turned out really good. I couldn’t find our spiralizer for the zucchini though so I just sliced thin strips for noodles. Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures because I’m currently at work, totally forgot to take pictures when I was making it, and totally forgot to bring leftovers for lunch today. 

I also forgot to take pictures of my smoothie that I made last night! God I’m literally the worst blogger ever. Anyways, for everyone who doesn’t know my birthday is on May 5 which is this Friday. I genuinely almost forgot about it because I’ve been so busy but my parents didn’t! Imthey got me a Nutri-Bullet which is something that I’ve wanted for many many years. Now I can make quick smoothies and bring them with me! 

Back when I worked at Old Navy and was on of the visual merchandising managers, I had my lunch break at like 9 in the morning. Well I often would grab a smoothie and be set for the rest of the day. Without even trying, I lost like 50lbs and was in the best shape of my life. I want to get back to there because I wasn’t trying so what happens if I am? 

I’ll be posting hopefully (!) tonight with the last few days of the EEC so keep an eye out for those. If I don’t, please forgive me?


Emotional Eating Journal Entry: Day 2

Day one of my journey was an easy one, I didn’t stray from the food plan I had in mind, I downloaded MyFitnessPal, and went to the gym. I’m feeling cautious optimistic about my healthy life course. 

So in that tone, here is my second entry of the Emotional Eat Journal:

“What do I want out of my life? How do I make sure I get it?”

I want to be free of my physical limitations due to my weight/size. My weight isn’t as much of a factor as my size and health, but along with health and size comes less weight. When I was training before, I hit a plateau of weight where I wasn’t losing any weight but I was feeling and looking better. I had more stamina and could do things that my body wouldn’t let me do before. I need to get back to that place and beyond. 

I want to be able to go on adventures and travel without feeling like my body mass is a hinderence. As I said in my previous post, I’m embarrassed by how large I’ve gotten. It’s sickening to think how easy it was for one slip up to lead to me gaining all the weight I’d worked so hard to lose and then some, back. 

I’m one of those people who has struggled, and will struggle, to keep weight off for my whole life. I know now that I can’t let up. I have to find a path and stay on it, otherwise it might cost me my life. I don’t want to be on medication for health issues that could have been solved by me being less of a shit-pig. Don’t get me wrong- I’m all about body positivity and loving the skin you’re in, but at a certain point I think it becomes unhealthy to be a larger person. It hurts your joints, your heart and other organs, it hurts your brain because of the torment that plus-sized people deal with. I consider myself to be a fairly confident person, but I think there’s a real breaking point for everyone; I’ve reached my breaking point. I’m unhappy in my body because I know it’s capable of so much more. 

So how do I make sure I reach my goals? Persistence. It’s as simple as not letting yourself slip fully into the point of no return. Of course a piece of cake won’t completely ruin my body (unless it’s blueberry, cause I’m allergic). But the problem that I have is thinking that “One piece of cake won’t kill my week” leads to “Oh I worked out 4 times this week, maybe some cookies would be nice” and then fall into that routine. I can’t let that happen, not this time. 

I know when I read articles about life-style changes and healthy living, it says that you can’t keep yourself from eating sweets because it will lead to a binge or something but my mind works opposite; One slip leads to a tumble that leads to a free fall into unhealthy eating habits. I have to abstain from unhealthy foods if I want to achieve my goal of living long enough to grow old with Matt. 

So that’s it, that’s want I want out of my life and how I plan on getting it. 

What do you want out of life? How do you plan on getting there? Let me know on twitter or instagram using #deesweightlossjourney and tag me! @realtalkwithdee