Everything in Moderation?

This is something we in the weight loss community hear very often, you can have everything you want but in moderation. I think I’m one of those special people who can’t do that. 

It took me a little bit of time to really see results from WW and I started getting discouraged. So instead of eating my feelings, I put that frustration into waking 3+ miles at least 3x a week. To keep myself accountable, I walk with my neighbor and best friend Mary who has the same goal of health as I do. 

So finally after 2 weeks, I saw results. When I lost my first 7lbs I was ecstatic; but I let myself have a bit too much freedom. I was under the impression that I could eat a few cookies here and there, and if I’m being honest more than that. I got lost in the moderation of it all. I was using up my daily smart points and dipping into my weeklies because I thought it was ok. 

Boy was I wrong. Don’t get me wrong, it felt great to eat what I wanted “in moderation” but the scale made me feel otherwise. Since that first loss, I have only lost an additional 3lbs bringing the grand total for one month to 10lbs. 

For someone who has as much as I do, more than 100lbs to lose, the weight should be melting off. 

So I reassessed what I had been eating and discovered that, even in moderation, my body can’t have cookies every day. Now as a treat maybe once a month, yes I will be more than happy to allow myself a few cookies. And I will savor them. I will enjoy them because I don’t eat them all the time. 

Moderation may work for some people, but it sure as shit won’t work for me. 


Day 3

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I hadn’t taken the time to look at myself in the mirror in a long time. But after my walk/run I went to take a shower. I was devastated by what I saw in the mirror. I have let myself go so far. I know I can get back to where I’m happy with my body but it was truly shocking to see just how bad my belly has gotten. I’m not comfortable posting my “before” pictures on here, but to paint a picture: I’m 5’6″ and I weigh 290lbs, most of my weight is around my midsection which is due in part to my PCOS but also my lack of self-control when it comes to delicious foods. 

I’ve been using MyFitnessPal to stay on track and if I stay on the path I’m on, eating >1,500 calories a day and working out, I will lose an estimated 15lbs in the next 5 weeks. That brings us to the end of May. My goal is to be down to 220lbs in a size 14 pant and large top by the end of the year. It’s not an unrealistic goal for me, that’s 70lbs in 8 months. If I work hard and focus on my body and the food going into it as well as staying on top of my fitness, it can be done. 

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. I’m here for Day 3 of the Emotional Eating Journal. 

“What is your relationship with food like? Write a letter, as if it were a real person.”

Dear Food,

Hey old friend, haven’t talked in a while. I’m writing today to tell you that about my feelings on our relationship and what I hope for it to become. 

I know in the past, you’ve been there for me in my moments of need, but you’ve also beckoned me in my moments of weakness. You know all too well that I turn to you when I’m bored, and you’ve accepted that as your role in my life. Any time I had nothing to do with my hands or mouth, you were there to help me distract me. You struck me worse at this new job, where you called to me every time I walked past you. Telling me that “a few M&M’s won’t kill you, but don’t forget the Cheez-Its” and forcing yourself to keep my mind distracted from my real goals and dreams. 

Eventually you became a routine for me, I had set plan for the foods that I became accustomed to eating. Sometimes they were good choices, but more often than not you lured me in with chocolate and salty snacks. I’m thankful for having you in my life when you’re not trying to sabotage my wishes for my life. I realize not everyone has a friend like you in their life. But I can see how you’ve hurt me in the past and I’m here to tell you that will never happen again. 

I want to continue our friendship but there needs to be some changes. I want to live a long and healthy life but if you keep seducing me with sweets and junk food, it won’t happen. Unfortunately we won’t be seeing much of each other in the way that I know you want. I’m going to be seeing you for healthy, nourishing foods that will help me live long enough to taste the different flavors that you offer. 

I hope that you understand and respect my wishes. 

Thanks for the memories. 

You’re friend,



What is your relationship with food? Let me know and use the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney on twitter or instagram! @realtalkwithdee  

Emotional Eating Journal Entry: Day 2

Day one of my journey was an easy one, I didn’t stray from the food plan I had in mind, I downloaded MyFitnessPal, and went to the gym. I’m feeling cautious optimistic about my healthy life course. 

So in that tone, here is my second entry of the Emotional Eat Journal:

“What do I want out of my life? How do I make sure I get it?”

I want to be free of my physical limitations due to my weight/size. My weight isn’t as much of a factor as my size and health, but along with health and size comes less weight. When I was training before, I hit a plateau of weight where I wasn’t losing any weight but I was feeling and looking better. I had more stamina and could do things that my body wouldn’t let me do before. I need to get back to that place and beyond. 

I want to be able to go on adventures and travel without feeling like my body mass is a hinderence. As I said in my previous post, I’m embarrassed by how large I’ve gotten. It’s sickening to think how easy it was for one slip up to lead to me gaining all the weight I’d worked so hard to lose and then some, back. 

I’m one of those people who has struggled, and will struggle, to keep weight off for my whole life. I know now that I can’t let up. I have to find a path and stay on it, otherwise it might cost me my life. I don’t want to be on medication for health issues that could have been solved by me being less of a shit-pig. Don’t get me wrong- I’m all about body positivity and loving the skin you’re in, but at a certain point I think it becomes unhealthy to be a larger person. It hurts your joints, your heart and other organs, it hurts your brain because of the torment that plus-sized people deal with. I consider myself to be a fairly confident person, but I think there’s a real breaking point for everyone; I’ve reached my breaking point. I’m unhappy in my body because I know it’s capable of so much more. 

So how do I make sure I reach my goals? Persistence. It’s as simple as not letting yourself slip fully into the point of no return. Of course a piece of cake won’t completely ruin my body (unless it’s blueberry, cause I’m allergic). But the problem that I have is thinking that “One piece of cake won’t kill my week” leads to “Oh I worked out 4 times this week, maybe some cookies would be nice” and then fall into that routine. I can’t let that happen, not this time. 

I know when I read articles about life-style changes and healthy living, it says that you can’t keep yourself from eating sweets because it will lead to a binge or something but my mind works opposite; One slip leads to a tumble that leads to a free fall into unhealthy eating habits. I have to abstain from unhealthy foods if I want to achieve my goal of living long enough to grow old with Matt. 

So that’s it, that’s want I want out of my life and how I plan on getting it. 

What do you want out of life? How do you plan on getting there? Let me know on twitter or instagram using #deesweightlossjourney and tag me! @realtalkwithdee


Daily Prompt: Cheat

via Daily Prompt: Cheat

Ugh, this one hits home for me. I’ve been trying to eat healthy the last few weeks and that was going pretty good considering that my job has complimentary snacks and FANTASTIC cheeseburgers. But I let that all slip the last two days. I guess calling them Cheat Days* is a bit far fetched though. They were more like IDGAF days.

I’ll be honest, today’s bad eating was my fault for sure; I slept way too late and didn’t pack my lunch last night. That’s on me. But on Saturday…boy was I tired and just didn’t have the energy. Friday after work we went to the gym then Corn Fest (can you tell I live in the Midwest?) to meet up with some friends we hadn’t seen since May. That led to us going to a party and staying out until like 1am leaving me with no sleep and no time to prep.

I’ve dealt with hating my body and feeling fat almost all of my life. It wasn’t until recently (around Jan 2015) that I really started to care about myself and as I started getting better, I started understanding that I am a strong woman who has the potential to live a long healthy life. But I need to work for it.

Some people are blessed, but most people are like me- they need to work for that healthy body. I’m not ashamed of my body or what it can do, until I have days like this. Days where I “fell off the wagon.” My plan was to go to the gym after work but all of my gym clothes are covered in sweat and have been sitting in the laundry bag for a few days so here I am.

But tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. I need to get my head back in it. I love the physical aspect of being healthy, its the food that can be trying. Mostly it’s the fact that M&M’s stare at me all day when I’m at work.

I did accomplish one thing though- I registered (last minute, school starts tomorrow) for a US History class at my Community College. I’m officially a sophomore in college!!!!


*In the future, I will not allow myself to have whole days of cheats, I will limit it to a meal or food item. They are necessary for sanity for sure, but until I can get my body goals met, I will not allow myself a whole day of indulgence.


DIY Green Tea Sugar Scrub

As most of you know I got very sunburned recently (like lobster style) and of course because I have Irish skin (unlike my sister who got the Italian skin) I am now peeling like a snake shedding its skin. Actually its worse than that, I’m more like a bearded dragon shedding, because they seem to have a tough time shedding. And the peeling skin will not stop!

I figured there had to be something I could do other than spend countess hours peeling my skin and throwing it away. So of course, I took to Pinterest and found a ton recipes for green tea sugar scrubs and tons of information of the health benefits of green tea for the skin (like this article and this article). I wanted to find a scrub that was not super harsh for my tender skin and one that was not harmful to go down the drain.

I found a recipe (shout out to Savy Naturalista on Pinterest for the inspiration) that seemed super easy (because I’m lazy af) and one that I actually had all the ingredients for. So I took the recipe and decided to tweak it to fit my style and taste a bit. If you want to find out how I made my version of the green tea sugar scrub, keep on reading!

DIY Green Tea Sugar Scrub

  • 2 cups of white sugar (or brown sugar, I prefer white)
  • 1 cup of organic virgin coconut oil
  • 2 tablespoons of green tea/matcha powder
  • 2 tea bags of organic green tea
  • 1 tea bag of chamomile tea

Gather your ingredients and mix 1 cup of sugar and 1 cup of coconut oil together in a medium sized bowl. Add in the matcha powder and green tea bags and stir. Next add the next cup of sugar and the chamomile and stir until crumbly. Store in an airtight container!


See, its super easy! If I make this again, I will probably use 2 1/2 cups of sugar because I prefer my scrubs to be a bit more dry. But all of this (including taking/editing the pictures and writing this post took me less than an hour. And that included an impromptu fishing session!

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend! Don’t forget about the free Slurpee at 7/11 today!

Speaking of free….I have a code for you to get free shipping from our friend’s at Carol’s Daughter that I will link below for you! (affiliate link)

FREE Shipping with any Purchase! Valid 7/11/16-7/12/16.


[EDIT: After I wrote this post, I decided to go and try the scrub and holy guacamole! My skin had never felt that soft. And even now, a day later, it’s still super soft! Best scrub ever!!]