Everything in Moderation?

This is something we in the weight loss community hear very often, you can have everything you want but in moderation. I think I’m one of those special people who can’t do that. 

It took me a little bit of time to really see results from WW and I started getting discouraged. So instead of eating my feelings, I put that frustration into waking 3+ miles at least 3x a week. To keep myself accountable, I walk with my neighbor and best friend Mary who has the same goal of health as I do. 

So finally after 2 weeks, I saw results. When I lost my first 7lbs I was ecstatic; but I let myself have a bit too much freedom. I was under the impression that I could eat a few cookies here and there, and if I’m being honest more than that. I got lost in the moderation of it all. I was using up my daily smart points and dipping into my weeklies because I thought it was ok. 

Boy was I wrong. Don’t get me wrong, it felt great to eat what I wanted “in moderation” but the scale made me feel otherwise. Since that first loss, I have only lost an additional 3lbs bringing the grand total for one month to 10lbs. 

For someone who has as much as I do, more than 100lbs to lose, the weight should be melting off. 

So I reassessed what I had been eating and discovered that, even in moderation, my body can’t have cookies every day. Now as a treat maybe once a month, yes I will be more than happy to allow myself a few cookies. And I will savor them. I will enjoy them because I don’t eat them all the time. 

Moderation may work for some people, but it sure as shit won’t work for me. 

I’m feeling ravenous today. Nothing has satisfied me. 

I didn’t walk today yet either. It’s killing me. 

But I’m hungry. So so hungry. 

I’ve eaten well today. But I’m starving right now. I’m at work. I didn’t bring food with me. And I’m starving. 

I’ve drank enough water to satisfy a camel. I’ve had lunch already. And I’m hungry. 

It’s probably because I’m bored. And probably because I’m tired. I didn’t take my pills yesterday and it’s throwing me off. Today is the first day in a week that I snoozed my alarm. I feel groggy and fatigued. I know rest days are important but I’m not willing to rest until I get what I want. 

So when I get off work, I’m changing into my workout clothes and driving home to walk. I was going to go to the gym upstairs but it’s too beautiful outside to be inside. 

On the plus side, I’m not feeling fat today. I feel empowered today. 
XOXO

Day 3

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I hadn’t taken the time to look at myself in the mirror in a long time. But after my walk/run I went to take a shower. I was devastated by what I saw in the mirror. I have let myself go so far. I know I can get back to where I’m happy with my body but it was truly shocking to see just how bad my belly has gotten. I’m not comfortable posting my “before” pictures on here, but to paint a picture: I’m 5’6″ and I weigh 290lbs, most of my weight is around my midsection which is due in part to my PCOS but also my lack of self-control when it comes to delicious foods. 

I’ve been using MyFitnessPal to stay on track and if I stay on the path I’m on, eating >1,500 calories a day and working out, I will lose an estimated 15lbs in the next 5 weeks. That brings us to the end of May. My goal is to be down to 220lbs in a size 14 pant and large top by the end of the year. It’s not an unrealistic goal for me, that’s 70lbs in 8 months. If I work hard and focus on my body and the food going into it as well as staying on top of my fitness, it can be done. 

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. I’m here for Day 3 of the Emotional Eating Journal. 

“What is your relationship with food like? Write a letter, as if it were a real person.”

Dear Food,

Hey old friend, haven’t talked in a while. I’m writing today to tell you that about my feelings on our relationship and what I hope for it to become. 

I know in the past, you’ve been there for me in my moments of need, but you’ve also beckoned me in my moments of weakness. You know all too well that I turn to you when I’m bored, and you’ve accepted that as your role in my life. Any time I had nothing to do with my hands or mouth, you were there to help me distract me. You struck me worse at this new job, where you called to me every time I walked past you. Telling me that “a few M&M’s won’t kill you, but don’t forget the Cheez-Its” and forcing yourself to keep my mind distracted from my real goals and dreams. 

Eventually you became a routine for me, I had set plan for the foods that I became accustomed to eating. Sometimes they were good choices, but more often than not you lured me in with chocolate and salty snacks. I’m thankful for having you in my life when you’re not trying to sabotage my wishes for my life. I realize not everyone has a friend like you in their life. But I can see how you’ve hurt me in the past and I’m here to tell you that will never happen again. 

I want to continue our friendship but there needs to be some changes. I want to live a long and healthy life but if you keep seducing me with sweets and junk food, it won’t happen. Unfortunately we won’t be seeing much of each other in the way that I know you want. I’m going to be seeing you for healthy, nourishing foods that will help me live long enough to taste the different flavors that you offer. 

I hope that you understand and respect my wishes. 

Thanks for the memories. 

You’re friend,

Diedre

xoxo

What is your relationship with food? Let me know and use the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney on twitter or instagram! @realtalkwithdee  

Quick Fun Dinner

Last night it was a super humid night (I’m talking 85-90% humidity) so M and I decided to cook and eat outside. Since we’ve been living in this campground, the only time that we’ve spent outside is either when we fish, when we go to the showers, or when we go to our cars to leave. My mom and dad bought us a baby Weber grill for a “house” warming gift and we haven’t really had a chance to use it.

M and I spent most of the day out running errands and getting some work done (me blogging and him looking for a job) so after we went grocery shopping, we cracked open some beer (OK he did – I had an Angry Orchard) and started thinking about dinner. We had gone to the local farmers market the night before and gotten some fresh mushrooms and squash and we had turkey bacon left over from dinner a few nights before that so we thought….KABOBS!

We brought all the ingredients outside and started shopping and skewering (that’s a word- right?) on the picnic table enjoying the warm and humid air.

After we had made about 12 or so we threw them on the grill and walked to the lake to find some fishes. About 20 mins later we had a delicious meal that was super easy (and fun) to make and very low maintenance. Look below for the recipe!

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Turkey Bacon Kabobs:

  • 1/2 pack of your favorite turkey bacon (uncooked)
  • 1 whole onion
  • 2 yellow squash
  • 7-10 mushrooms (of your choice)
  • 7-10 red potatoes (quartered)
  • 10-15 wooden skewers

Start by soaking the skewers in water for at least an hour or so to prevent them from catching on fire on the grill, this is a perfect time for you to get the charcoal going for the grill! Next, wash your veggies to make sure you get all the dirt off! Then (and we didn’t do this but we should have) par boil your potatoes to get them soft enough so that they cook at the same rate as the rest of the kabobs. Now your potatoes and the rest of your veg should be ready to be cut up and skewered! Go ahead and cut your veggies how you prefer, for this recipe we quartered the mushrooms and the potatoes and then cut the squash and onion into chunks (about 1/2″ in size). Once your veggies are chopped to your liking, go ahead and start skewering as you wish! I did mine in an order but M did his random so it doesn’t really make a difference. After you’ve filled all the skewers, get them on the grill for about 20 mins, turning after 10. Once they’re done, take them off and serve immediately and enjoy!

-DF