Everything in Moderation?

This is something we in the weight loss community hear very often, you can have everything you want but in moderation. I think I’m one of those special people who can’t do that. 

It took me a little bit of time to really see results from WW and I started getting discouraged. So instead of eating my feelings, I put that frustration into waking 3+ miles at least 3x a week. To keep myself accountable, I walk with my neighbor and best friend Mary who has the same goal of health as I do. 

So finally after 2 weeks, I saw results. When I lost my first 7lbs I was ecstatic; but I let myself have a bit too much freedom. I was under the impression that I could eat a few cookies here and there, and if I’m being honest more than that. I got lost in the moderation of it all. I was using up my daily smart points and dipping into my weeklies because I thought it was ok. 

Boy was I wrong. Don’t get me wrong, it felt great to eat what I wanted “in moderation” but the scale made me feel otherwise. Since that first loss, I have only lost an additional 3lbs bringing the grand total for one month to 10lbs. 

For someone who has as much as I do, more than 100lbs to lose, the weight should be melting off. 

So I reassessed what I had been eating and discovered that, even in moderation, my body can’t have cookies every day. Now as a treat maybe once a month, yes I will be more than happy to allow myself a few cookies. And I will savor them. I will enjoy them because I don’t eat them all the time. 

Moderation may work for some people, but it sure as shit won’t work for me. 

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Fitness? Fitin dis pizza in my mouth!

I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. Well that’s a lie, but since I was in about 4th grade. I can remember seeing all the pretty girls getting developed and boys starting to like girls, it was very odd. But it snowballed from there…

By the time I was in 6th grade, I hated my body. I had, what I lovingly referred to as, my spare tire around my mid-section. I was not “fat” anywhere else though, yeah I had a chubby face but I had (and have) normal-ish sized body parts but I had this mid-section that just was…mishappen for lack of a better word. I still have that spare tire, but I have seen it get smaller in the past, but I’ve never seen it go away.

I used to participate in sports when I was younger but I was never very good or what people would call “athletic” by any means. I’ve decided that I will never by a very athletic person and that’s OK! I am happy with what my body can achieve and what it continues to achieve every time that I work out.

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It makes me sad, looking back at photos from middle school and seeing how small I was and thinking about how I thought I was a fatty. I wasn’t the smallest teenager by any means, but that poor body image I had of myself set me up for failure going forward in life.

I wake up almost every day and look at myself in the mirror and hate my body. But it’s something that I’m trying to change and have been trying to change. Like I said above, I am proud of what my body can do and what I know it will be able to do in the future. Because this is something that I’ve been thinking about for a while and I want to share with you now:

It doesn’t matter if you slip and have some candy, or you miss a workout or two. Your body was not achieved in a day and it cannot be destroyed in one day. 

I’m not saying indulge your cravings every day but don’t beat yourself over a minor setback. Take my good friend Kathleen for example: she topped going to the gym and stopped focusing on what was going into her body because she just fell off the tracks for a little bit. But she’s not beating herself up over it or letting it get to her. Because she knows that she has a strong body that is capable of amazing things. And I’m so proud of her for that, she really is such an inspiration to me.

Together, Kathleen and I inspire each other to go to the gym every day and make sure we’re putting real foods into our bodies and praising it for what it is. I try to go to the gym 4-6 days a week for at least 30 mins and I work on strength training and cardio stamina. Kathleen and I have decided to set non-weight related goals each month and this month I’ve chosen to see if I can run/walk a mile in 18 minutes or less. I’ve always loved running but because of my size, its makes it hard. So I’m working my way up to a good run and will achieve my goal by the end of the month.

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So in conclusion (omg, english teachers everywhere are running around with their heads on fire) I just wanted to share with you my journey, its ups and downs and how an why I view my body the way that I do. I appreciate my body for what it can do and I don’t hate it for what it is not.

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-DF

Daily Prompt: Cheat

via Daily Prompt: Cheat

Ugh, this one hits home for me. I’ve been trying to eat healthy the last few weeks and that was going pretty good considering that my job has complimentary snacks and FANTASTIC cheeseburgers. But I let that all slip the last two days. I guess calling them Cheat Days* is a bit far fetched though. They were more like IDGAF days.

I’ll be honest, today’s bad eating was my fault for sure; I slept way too late and didn’t pack my lunch last night. That’s on me. But on Saturday…boy was I tired and just didn’t have the energy. Friday after work we went to the gym then Corn Fest (can you tell I live in the Midwest?) to meet up with some friends we hadn’t seen since May. That led to us going to a party and staying out until like 1am leaving me with no sleep and no time to prep.

I’ve dealt with hating my body and feeling fat almost all of my life. It wasn’t until recently (around Jan 2015) that I really started to care about myself and as I started getting better, I started understanding that I am a strong woman who has the potential to live a long healthy life. But I need to work for it.

Some people are blessed, but most people are like me- they need to work for that healthy body. I’m not ashamed of my body or what it can do, until I have days like this. Days where I “fell off the wagon.” My plan was to go to the gym after work but all of my gym clothes are covered in sweat and have been sitting in the laundry bag for a few days so here I am.

But tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. I need to get my head back in it. I love the physical aspect of being healthy, its the food that can be trying. Mostly it’s the fact that M&M’s stare at me all day when I’m at work.

I did accomplish one thing though- I registered (last minute, school starts tomorrow) for a US History class at my Community College. I’m officially a sophomore in college!!!!

-DF

*In the future, I will not allow myself to have whole days of cheats, I will limit it to a meal or food item. They are necessary for sanity for sure, but until I can get my body goals met, I will not allow myself a whole day of indulgence.

 

Dear Gym, I miss you.

Good afternoon everyone!

Today I want to talk about my life before my back injury.

I used to go to the gym 5-7 days a week for at least an hour. I loved my gym. Working out made me sane. I felt like I wasn’t “crazy.” I had an outlet for my extra energy.

Fast forward to January ’16 and my doctor tells me that I can’t go to the gym anymore. My heart was broken. I turned to food to comfort me. Since then, I have gained 25lbs. I am even more depressed and anxious than I was before.

I don’t know why I didn’t dawn on me until this morning that my lack of physical activity is why my illness is getting worse. I can walk right now but I can’t walk from my house to anywhere. I live on a slanted road and slanted roads are a no-no according to my surgeon. I have been hitting 3,000+ steps according to my Fitbit. But before I used to hit 15k+.

Its a very weird feeling for me not going to the gym everyday.

I love fitness. I love running. I love lifting weights. Which is weird for people to hear me say. I know none of you know me or know what I look like, but let me try and paint a picture…

I’m 5’6″, 250+lbs, I carry most of my weight in my belly, I have a “high-butt” which really just makes my butt look like its broken up into two parts- high and low. I have fatty upper arms. Basically other than my arms and my gut, I am not “fat.” I am a healthy though. Which is something else that shocks people when I say that.

Of course I love my bad snacks; Lays, Twizzlers, and Reese’s just to name a few. But I rarely drink soda, most of my meals include fruits and veggies, water is my favorite drink (ok and coffee), I eat lean meats and like no red meat.

Sometime in January, I woke up one morning in serious pain. Because I had herniated discs before, I knew what it was so it was another 2 months before I went to see my doctor. Basically from there I got 4 cortisone injections before they realized that surgery was my only option. When I saw my doctor in January, she told me that I had to stop going to the gym. It broke my f-ing heart.

OK, there is a moral to this story…

The photo attached to this post has been something that’s motivated me for a few years now. I want to (once I’m recovered and healed) to get back to my working out and be someone that people look up to for motivation. That’s my goal. That’s what gets me out of bed in the morning. I want to do something with my life that people look up to me for.

Sorry for kind of a rambling post, M and I were having so much fun last night chasing each other, play fighting and tickling each other that I was hurting today. So I took a Norco (something I hadn’t done in like a week) so I’m really “high” right now.

OK, time to keep packing up the house. I’m also meeting up with someone to sell something from Letgo and then my parents are coming over for dinner and we’re gonna pack up my kitchen.

-DF