(Just a note, this will be an old update so please excuse the present tense verbiage. Also I’m rolling several days into one)
Ok, if I thought that yesterday was busy, well shit. Today has been insane. So last night I worked at one rink until about 10:30, drove the 45, I got home, then went to bed. Well I had to be at the other rink by 7:15 this morning to help get ready for the ice show pictures that were happening today- I woke up at 6:45…. Actually I didn’t even wake up, Matt woke me up. Luckily I always put my clothes out the night before, so it wasn’t super crazy. But I did forget to put on a shirt under my sweatshirt.
So I rushed out the door, half awake, got to the gas station, filled up my tank, and was on my way. I made it there in record time, like, 20 minutes. It’s normally a 30 minute drive so sorry mom if you’re reading this but I did go over the speed limit.
Anyways, so I get there and it’s like insane. Kids everywhere. Parents doing photo forms. Insanity. But I made it through, I triamphed. Then I rushed to my home rink to hit the gym before work. The night was much smoother than I thought it was going to be and I was able to watch the Steel lose (sad). But they’re not out ion it yet, we’re going to the game on Friday for my birthday!!!
“Review your entries from the past 6 days. What patterns are you noticing?”
Well, I’ll be honest, I’m not going to go re-read all of my old posts. But I can tell you how I felt over the last few days of writing. I know I’ve been depressed. This opening of wounds has been anything but fun. Day by day I am getting better though. With eating cleaner and working out, it has changed my outlook for sure and I know that it will only go up from here. I hit rock bottom and I never want to be back there again.
Let’s see….so I’m writing this about a day that I was not writing at all so let me see if I can remember what I even did…
Ok I worked at Dottys in the day time! I’m very proud of myself because I have not had any junk food from my work since I started this journey! I’ve walked past the M&Ms more times than I can count and I haven’t had any. I’m so beyond proud of myself. After Dottys I came to the rink to score keep. Now this was my first time a score keeping men’s league since the awful time I had a little while back. It went quite well, no tears. I let myself eat a grilled cheese for dinner that night even though I had taken the time to make dinner earlier in the night. My metabolism must be in overdrive because I am hungry all the time.
“Describe the last time you had the type of fun that made you smile for a few days.”
If I’m being honest, it’s almost all the time. I’m one of those people who tries to find the fun in everything. Lately I’ve been finding myself smiling a lot more. I attribute that to a lot of things: I have a job that I LOVE, a new healthy lifestyle, great friends, my credit score is going up, and Matt and I are better than ever.
I have a lot to be happy/thankful for.
Ok so that was yesterday. Monday? Honestly my days are so fucked up from work. Thank GOD for my calendar app on my phone, because without it, I would be lost.
Monday was ok. It’s been busy as fuck at Dottys and I’m just so over it. I mean, I guess getting tips is nice but at what cost? Luckily I have a good closing partner who makes it all worth it. She was nice enough to come in early so I could head to the other rink to train a little more. So I quickly ran there in the rain that feels like it will never ever end and trained for an hour then came home. I called Matt mom because I hadn’t called her in forever and I felt like such an ass. Then I went to the pharmacy and FINALLY got my meds that have been there for god knows how long. Then I called my mom.
Her and my dad got me a NutriBullet for my birthday, which isn’t till Friday, but I opened it anyways because I could not wait to use it. I had a smoothie for dinner and then promptly went to bed at 8 pm. I needed to sleep. It was amazing. I didn’t even wake up when Matt got home.
“What would my ideal day of health look like? What do I need to do to make sure I achieve this daily?”
My ideal day of health would include sleeping in, eating healthy meals, excersicing and then spending time outside with Matt. I would also like it to include some self-care because I think that is necessary for health all around.
I don’t think it’s an attainable thing for me to have all of that in one day at this point, but I think to get as close to that as possible. I just need to be disciplined with what I do everyday so that down the road, I can have days like that.
And we’re back! Hopefully I won’t have to do catch up posts like this very often, because that was a fucking doozy. Trying to remember what I did yesterday is a very tough thing to do. Because I’m trying to live in a way that the past is the past and I would do well to not dwell in it.
“Describe 3 triggers in your life that lead to emotional eating.”
I’ve been very hungry today. I don’t know if it’s because I should be starting soon or what but I’m like wanting to eat everything. Even when I’m not hungry. Maybe it’s beacause I didn’t post for a few days and I forgot how big of a role my emotions play in my eating habits. So it’s probably stress and lack of sleep mixed with my elevated metabolism.
As far as my triggers go, I would posit that stress is high up there on that list. I think because eating takes my mind off of what is going on that I can fall into a binge pretty easily.
I think boredom is a huge one with me. If I don’t have something to do or think about, or even anyone to talk to, I find myself eating; and 9/10 times, it’s unhealthy food.
Lastly I would think that one of my triggers is anxiety. Now I know what you’re thinking, “aren’t stress and anxiety the same thing?” Well yes and no. I stress so much sometimes that it brings on anxiety but this is a different kind of anxiety. I have a fear of passing out so I eat all the time to make sure my body is full and the blood surger is normal. But that is add back thing to think because I have never had diabetes and have only ever passed out from pain or dehydration.
I eat to hide my struggle with mental illness but that is not an excuse.
What would your responses be to these questions? Let me know using the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney on twitter and instagram @realtalkwithdee