Well that was sad

I obviously did not finish my emotional eating journal, but I t’s not because I gave up! I discovered something interesting about myself on that journey that will stick with me forever. I don’t use food to curb my emotions, I use it to calm my anxiety. My relationship with food has been a tumultuous one but not because I eat when I’m sad- I eat when I’m anxious. If I feel myself getting anxious, I sometimes confuse it with low blood sugar and start wolfing down whatever I can. Same with if I feel a headache coming on, I get anxious about having a migraine and I start eating because for whatever reason my brain thinks that eating will stop a migraine. 

Since my break from writing, I’ve done a lot of self-discovery. I found that I work better when I have a plan in mind and that I need motivation to get anything done. I started Weight Watchers recently and I know it’s what’s right for me. I’ve done it in the past and had great success, but I’m not a kid anymore like I was when I first tried it. It’s going to take some work. I’ve found inspiration in seeing Matt’s cousin, Maimee, and her husband. In the last two years, they have lost a total of 130 pounds and are in a good place spiritually. They follow WW and workout every single day, but they also don’t restrict themselves from having fun. They have found the perfect balance and I am so envious. I cannot wait to get to that point in my journey. 

I’ve joined a Facebook group dedicated to helping people find inspiration and tips/tricks to lose weight and gain confidence. Those people are so encouraging and motivating that it’s insane. I have found my people for this new lifestyle. 

I know it may seem like I’m bouncing from fad diet to fad diet faster than most people change their underwear, but that’s part of the plan; you have to find what works for you and that takes time and exploration of what is out there. 

I hope that one day I can inspire someone as much as Maimee and Jesse have influenced me. 

But for now, I want to share a drink that Maimee told me about and I have been OBSESSED with ever since. It’s only 2 points on WW and tastes better than any other drink you could imagine getting at Starbucks (minus the Pink Drink which is amazing). I don’t have a name for it, but I have it saved in my WW app as “Protein Iced Coffee” because it is packed with 30g of protein to keep you feeling full and satisfied for hours. That, coupled with the espresso, make it my favorite drink. 


Protein Iced Coffee

  • 2 espresso shots (Starbucks or otherwise) in a large cup filled with ice
  • Your favorite flavor of Premier Protein. (Mine is Vanilla)
  • Optional: sugar free flavor shot

Once you have your espresso in the cup with ice, make sure you add more ice to your liking. I prefer all the ice, I love cold drinks. Then add the Premier Protein shake of your choice and boom, you have a delicious and nutritious coffee drink for only $2 and 2 WW points! 

What is your favorite WW recipe? Let me know on twitter or instagram @realtalkwithdee and use the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney

XOXO

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Day 11

Woof. I am hungry. I am tired. I am feeling so full of life. Wait, what? How can I be tired and full of life, you ask? Well I have been on this journey for 11 days and I can just feel the life coming back into my body. I know today I haven’t been as chipper as I normally am, but I think that’s gotta be hormonal or something. 

I’m stoked to be getting back into the gym today after work after being out since Saturday. I didn’t work out at all the last two days out of sheer exhaustion but I’m going back strong today. And I’m going to go to the step class again tomorrow night. I still haven’t charged my Fitbit which is extremely frustrating. Now that I’ve gotten my body used to what I’m doing to it, I want to work on my calorie burn vs calorie intake. Essentially, the better that ratio, the faster you get in shape. So I’m curious to see if that happens. 

I’m not trying to push myself or burn myself out though, but I need to see results so I don’t get discouraged. And that’s just because of who I am. But on the plus side, I can tell a difference physically already. It’s probably all in my head and I’m getting cocky af about it but whatever it is, its driving me forward. 

“Are your expectations for yourself too high or too low?”

I think I have too high of expectations for sure. I’ve always been obnoxiously cocky. I’m very full of myself but mostly in jest. But I do have high expectations for myself. Because I know I can do this. I have to. 

It’s one thing to say that though and another thing to actually follow through. I will. 

Will you? Let me know using the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney on twitter and instagram @realtalkwithdee

XOXO

7-9?

(Just a note, this will be an old update so please excuse the present tense verbiage. Also I’m rolling several days into one)

Day 7

Ok, if I thought that yesterday was busy, well shit. Today has been insane. So last night I worked at one rink until about 10:30, drove the 45, I got home, then went to bed. Well I had to be at the other rink by 7:15 this morning to help get ready for the ice show pictures that were happening today- I woke up at 6:45…. Actually I didn’t even wake up, Matt woke me up. Luckily I always put my clothes out the night before, so it wasn’t super crazy. But I did forget to put on a shirt under my sweatshirt. 

So I rushed out the door, half awake, got to the gas station, filled up my tank, and was on my way. I made it there in record time, like, 20 minutes. It’s normally a 30 minute drive so sorry mom if you’re reading this but I did go over the speed limit. 

Anyways, so I get there and it’s like insane. Kids everywhere. Parents doing photo forms. Insanity. But I made it through, I triamphed. Then I rushed to my home rink to hit the gym before work. The night was much smoother than I thought it was going to be and I was able to watch the Steel lose (sad). But they’re not out ion it yet, we’re going to the game on Friday for my birthday!!!

“Review your entries from the past 6 days. What patterns are you noticing?”

Well, I’ll be honest, I’m not going to go re-read all of my old posts. But I can tell you how I felt over the last few days of writing. I know I’ve been depressed. This opening of wounds has been anything but fun. Day by day I am getting better though. With eating cleaner and working out, it has changed my outlook for sure and I know that it will only go up from here. I hit rock bottom and I never want to be back there again. 

Day 8 

Let’s see….so I’m writing this about a day that I was not writing at all so let me see if I can remember what I even did…

Ok I worked at Dottys in the day time! I’m very proud of myself because I have not had any junk food from my work since I started this journey! I’ve walked past the M&Ms more times than I can count and I haven’t had any. I’m so beyond proud of myself. After Dottys I came to the rink to score keep. Now this was my first time a score keeping men’s league since the awful time I had a little while back. It went quite well, no tears. I let myself eat a grilled cheese for dinner that night even though I had taken the time to make dinner earlier in the night. My metabolism must be in overdrive because I am hungry all the time. 

“Describe the last time you had the type of fun that made you smile for a few days.”

If I’m being honest, it’s almost all the time. I’m one of those people who tries to find the fun in everything. Lately I’ve been finding myself smiling a lot more. I attribute that to a lot of things: I have a job that I LOVE, a new healthy lifestyle, great friends, my credit score is going up, and Matt and I are better than ever. 

I have a lot to be happy/thankful for. 

Day 9

Ok so that was yesterday. Monday? Honestly my days are so fucked up from work. Thank GOD for my calendar app on my phone, because without it, I would be lost. 

Monday was ok. It’s been busy as fuck at Dottys and I’m just so over it. I mean, I guess getting tips is nice but at what cost? Luckily I have a good closing partner who makes it all worth it. She was nice enough to come in early so I could head to the other rink to train a little more. So I quickly ran there in the rain that feels like it will never ever end and trained for an hour then came home. I called Matt mom because I hadn’t called her in forever and I felt like such an ass. Then I went to the pharmacy and FINALLY got my meds that have been there for god knows how long. Then I called my mom. 

Her and my dad got me a NutriBullet for my birthday, which isn’t till Friday, but I opened it anyways because I could not wait to use it. I had a smoothie for dinner and then promptly went to bed at 8 pm. I needed to sleep. It was amazing. I didn’t even wake up when Matt got home. 

“What would my ideal day of health look like? What do I need to do to make sure I achieve this daily?”

My ideal day of health would include sleeping in, eating healthy meals, excersicing and then spending time outside with Matt. I would also like it to include some self-care because I think that is necessary for health all around. 

I don’t think it’s an attainable thing for me to have all of that in one day at this point, but I think to get as close to that as possible. I just need to be disciplined with what I do everyday so that down the road, I can have days like that. 

Day 10

And we’re back! Hopefully I won’t have to do catch up posts like this very often, because that was a fucking doozy. Trying to remember what I did yesterday is a very tough thing to do. Because I’m trying to live in a way that the past is the past and I would do well to not dwell in it. 

“Describe 3 triggers in your life that lead to emotional eating.”

I’ve been very hungry today. I don’t know if it’s because I should be starting soon or what but I’m like wanting to eat everything. Even when I’m not hungry. Maybe it’s beacause I didn’t post for a few days and I forgot how big of a role my emotions play in my eating habits. So it’s probably stress and lack of sleep mixed with my elevated metabolism. 

As far as my triggers go, I would posit that stress is high up there on that list. I think because eating takes my mind off of what is going on that I can fall into a binge pretty easily. 

I think boredom is a huge one with me. If I don’t have something to do or think about, or even anyone to talk to, I find myself eating; and 9/10 times, it’s unhealthy food. 

Lastly I would think that one of my triggers is anxiety. Now I know what you’re thinking, “aren’t stress and anxiety the same thing?” Well yes and no. I stress so much sometimes that it brings on anxiety but this is a different kind of anxiety. I have a fear of passing out so I eat all the time to make sure my body is full and the blood surger is normal. But that is add back thing to think because I have never had diabetes and have only ever passed out from pain or dehydration. 

I eat to hide my struggle with mental illness but that is not an excuse. 
What would your responses be to these questions? Let me know using the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney on twitter and instagram @realtalkwithdee

So sorry

I work like 70 hours a week and when I’m not at work I’m either working out or sleeping. Every once in a while I get a chance to do laundry and dishes. Sometimes I can even relax and hangout with my friends! 

I’m lucky enough to have some relatively easy jobs but that doesn’t always leave me time to post. At Dottys, I can’t have my iPad out and I detest posting on my phone (which I’m doing now) but sometimes you have no choice. 

So quick update because I’m at Dottys and can’t finish up the Emotional Eating posts that I’ve been working on. I’ve been eating so good! As clean as I possibly can (minus the donut I had yesterday, you gotta #treatyoself sometimes). I actually spent some time yesterday portioning out some health snack foods that I got at Jewel the other day so that I can just grab a bag and go! 

My goal for the next week is to work more veggies into my diet, because as of now it’s mostly carrots and salad. But I want to get some raw green beans to snack on. I just wish our fridge was bigger than a mini fridge or that mini fridges didn’t use so much power cause I’d get one for outside! 

As for using MyFitnessPal, I’ve been under on my calories every day which is exciting. I haven’t weighed myself because a) I don’t care too much about weight, more how my clothes feel and how I look and b) because the only scale we have is off and the one at the gym is broken. But I’ve been really strict about adding food, even if it’s shit food like the donut I had yesterday. 

Water intake is something I’ve been working on too. I’m usually really good about drinking water- or at least I thought I was. Turns out it’s really hard to drink so much water! But always having my Starbucks cup full of water and ice is helping me tons!


I had some time between jobs on Sunday and I was able to actually cook dinner for the first time in like 2 weeks. I made tofu stir-fry and basically pulled the directions/ingredient list out of my ass and it turned out really good. I couldn’t find our spiralizer for the zucchini though so I just sliced thin strips for noodles. Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures because I’m currently at work, totally forgot to take pictures when I was making it, and totally forgot to bring leftovers for lunch today. 

I also forgot to take pictures of my smoothie that I made last night! God I’m literally the worst blogger ever. Anyways, for everyone who doesn’t know my birthday is on May 5 which is this Friday. I genuinely almost forgot about it because I’ve been so busy but my parents didn’t! Imthey got me a Nutri-Bullet which is something that I’ve wanted for many many years. Now I can make quick smoothies and bring them with me! 

Back when I worked at Old Navy and was on of the visual merchandising managers, I had my lunch break at like 9 in the morning. Well I often would grab a smoothie and be set for the rest of the day. Without even trying, I lost like 50lbs and was in the best shape of my life. I want to get back to there because I wasn’t trying so what happens if I am? 

I’ll be posting hopefully (!) tonight with the last few days of the EEC so keep an eye out for those. If I don’t, please forgive me?

XOXO