Yesterday was a rough day for me. I hadn’t taken the time to look at myself in the mirror in a long time. But after my walk/run I went to take a shower. I was devastated by what I saw in the mirror. I have let myself go so far. I know I can get back to where I’m happy with my body but it was truly shocking to see just how bad my belly has gotten. I’m not comfortable posting my “before” pictures on here, but to paint a picture: I’m 5’6″ and I weigh 290lbs, most of my weight is around my midsection which is due in part to my PCOS but also my lack of self-control when it comes to delicious foods.
I’ve been using MyFitnessPal to stay on track and if I stay on the path I’m on, eating >1,500 calories a day and working out, I will lose an estimated 15lbs in the next 5 weeks. That brings us to the end of May. My goal is to be down to 220lbs in a size 14 pant and large top by the end of the year. It’s not an unrealistic goal for me, that’s 70lbs in 8 months. If I work hard and focus on my body and the food going into it as well as staying on top of my fitness, it can be done.
But that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. I’m here for Day 3 of the Emotional Eating Journal.
“What is your relationship with food like? Write a letter, as if it were a real person.”
Hey old friend, haven’t talked in a while. I’m writing today to tell you that about my feelings on our relationship and what I hope for it to become.
I know in the past, you’ve been there for me in my moments of need, but you’ve also beckoned me in my moments of weakness. You know all too well that I turn to you when I’m bored, and you’ve accepted that as your role in my life. Any time I had nothing to do with my hands or mouth, you were there to help me distract me. You struck me worse at this new job, where you called to me every time I walked past you. Telling me that “a few M&M’s won’t kill you, but don’t forget the Cheez-Its” and forcing yourself to keep my mind distracted from my real goals and dreams.
Eventually you became a routine for me, I had set plan for the foods that I became accustomed to eating. Sometimes they were good choices, but more often than not you lured me in with chocolate and salty snacks. I’m thankful for having you in my life when you’re not trying to sabotage my wishes for my life. I realize not everyone has a friend like you in their life. But I can see how you’ve hurt me in the past and I’m here to tell you that will never happen again.
I want to continue our friendship but there needs to be some changes. I want to live a long and healthy life but if you keep seducing me with sweets and junk food, it won’t happen. Unfortunately we won’t be seeing much of each other in the way that I know you want. I’m going to be seeing you for healthy, nourishing foods that will help me live long enough to taste the different flavors that you offer.
I hope that you understand and respect my wishes.
Thanks for the memories.
What is your relationship with food? Let me know and use the hashtag #deesweightlossjourney on twitter or instagram! @realtalkwithdee