This is why I’m “fat”

I’m going to (once again) TRY and lose this weight. I am officially at my heaviest I have ever been and it’s not only bad for my health but for my relationships. I used to be able to walk long distances and not get winded, Matt and I used to be able to go on adventures all the time but now I can’t fit into an airplane seat without the seatbelt extender. Its embarrassing for me and I’m sure people who see me think, why does she dress like she’s 50lbs lighter than she is? 

This is not meant to be a self body-shame post though. I know what my body is capable of and what it has done before. I am not ashamed of my stretch marks or cellulite, because EVERYONE HAS THAT. 

I found this list on Pinterest and I decided to challenge myself to see if I can do it. I went back to the gym yesterday for the first time since I cracked a rib and sublexated my shoulder. I ran/walked a little over a mile in around 20 minutes. I hadn’t ran in over 1 year and I felt exhilarated. I started tracking my food yesterday and will try and remember to be consistant with that too. 

So here goes the first “journal” entry….

“My biggest barrier to weight loss is ____ and here is why…”

My biggest barrier to weight loss is consistency. For a while, about 2 years ago, I got super into going to the gym. I was motivated and eating right; I lost 45lbs. It was amazing, I was on cloud fucking 9. But then something changed. I don’t know if it was the weather change (fall-winter) or just the holidays but I fell off. And then I got hurt and went through that whole back-surgery thing. 

Since then I have gained 60lbs+ and have tried several times to get back in the gym and back to eating right. But I can’t get it going on. I’m fucking upset that I can’t get back into my old routine. I don’t know if it’s just me being a lazy sack of poo or lack of space to meal prep or just working all the time. I don’t know what it is. I fucking hate it though. I’m sick of being this big. I’m sick of barely fitting into a size 20 pants. 

I know my body can be healthy again. I need to be smart this time. No cheats. No off days. Just pedal to the floor, fully committed, no excuses. 

Who wants to take this challenge with me? Use the #deesweightlossjourney and tag me @realtalkwithdee on twitter or instagram! 



7 thoughts on “This is why I’m “fat””

  1. I’m in! Remember that losing weight is hard. Losing slow is best because slow equals life style changes and habits that get developed. I’m proud of you in any size or shape!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a cool list! I fell off too and I’ve gained back almost everything I’ve lost as well. I think the thing that’s getting in the way for me is just mass depression this winter. It’s been a tough one. Also, alcohol.


      1. The hardest part for me is people either a) trying to pressure me into drinking and b) having to explain that I have a panic attack when I drink. Plus the myriad of medication that I’m on all warn not to drink.


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