When I was younger…

“I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger…”

– Rod Stewart

These are words that resonate within all of us as we age, but even more so with me now as I try and live my life the way that I want to. I had a great upbringing; my parents were always there for me and my sister when we needed them, there was always food on the table, and lots of love and laughter. There are some lessons, though, that your parent cannot teach you or rather enforce without you learning by mistake.

I want to talk about things that I wish I could go back and tell my younger self if I could. I know I would not be where I am today if I was able to do so and that does make me sad, but obviously I cannot time travel anyways so its not like this is possible.

If I could go back in time, I would…:

1. NEVER let myself smoke a cigarette. I can remember when I was young, a good friend of mine had a mother who would smoke in the house with us around. I always loved the smell of cigarette smoke (except for when I was convinced it gave me pneumonia) and I watched members of my family and my friends’ families smoke and I became fascinated. I was so eager to smoke, not because it looked cool, but because I just wanted to. I honestly wish I could just go back in time and slap the shit out of myself for that. I had my first cigarette when I was 15 and I was hooked. I know people say shit like that all the time, but it was like that for me. Even now as I struggle with the addiction, I still love it. I started using an electronic cigarette over 3 years ago and have only slipped up with the real thing a few times. Cigarettes are enticing bitches who I wish would just leave me alone. Started smoking is my biggest regret in life.

2. Don’t be so damn boy-crazy, don’t obsess over who still is a virgin and who isn’t, its not that big of a deal. When you’re young, having sex is a big deal and you (or at least I) don’t want to be the last one to do it. I can still remember my first real crush and how that first one snowballed into liking almost every boy that I met. I watched all the romance movies and wished I would find someone like that to whisk me off my feet and make me feel cool in the halls of my tiny high school. I was pathetic. Looking back, I get so embarrassed over my boy-craziness. I was mental. And its not like I was very good at hiding my feelings either. I’m sure every boy that I ever liked, knew/knows that I used to like them. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it all works out in the end and that I should heed the advice Jo gave us.

3. Save your money!!! If I would have started saving my money when I was young, I would not be in the state that I am in now. I wish I was better with money, I really do. I don’t know what it is but ever since I was younger I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck which isn’t so bad when you’re young – but almost 30? Yeah that’s sad. I hate myself for not being more financially responsible. I wish I could go back and yell at myself to not be a dummy and to save money!!

4. Go to college right after high school! I was lucky enough to attend school in a time where the country and the state that I lived in had extra money for scholarships. The junior college in the town next to mine offered money to students based on their GPA but I was a dummy and squandered it. I did well in school and received a decent amount for school, but I didn’t take any placement tests and didn’t see a counselor so when it came time for the school year to start I found myself taking useless classes. I kick myself often for this. I could have had a well paying job by now! I was so young and stupid. I’m glad that I’m able to go now, but I wasted 10 years of my life doing shit all and not having a career. I just wish that I could tell myself that college is important and that you can do all that stupid shit after college.

Now I know that if I did go back and change all that, that I would not be anywhere near where I am today and I wouldn’t be with the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I wouldn’t know any of this but who knows, maybe we would end up together.

Is there anything that you wish you could go back and tell your younger self? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter or Instagram @iblog1988.

-DF

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