Fitness? Fitin dis pizza in my mouth!

I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. Well that’s a lie, but since I was in about 4th grade. I can remember seeing all the pretty girls getting developed and boys starting to like girls, it was very odd. But it snowballed from there…

By the time I was in 6th grade, I hated my body. I had, what I lovingly referred to as, my spare tire around my mid-section. I was not “fat” anywhere else though, yeah I had a chubby face but I had (and have) normal-ish sized body parts but I had this mid-section that just was…mishappen for lack of a better word. I still have that spare tire, but I have seen it get smaller in the past, but I’ve never seen it go away.

I used to participate in sports when I was younger but I was never very good or what people would call “athletic” by any means. I’ve decided that I will never by a very athletic person and that’s OK! I am happy with what my body can achieve and what it continues to achieve every time that I work out.

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It makes me sad, looking back at photos from middle school and seeing how small I was and thinking about how I thought I was a fatty. I wasn’t the smallest teenager by any means, but that poor body image I had of myself set me up for failure going forward in life.

I wake up almost every day and look at myself in the mirror and hate my body. But it’s something that I’m trying to change and have been trying to change. Like I said above, I am proud of what my body can do and what I know it will be able to do in the future. Because this is something that I’ve been thinking about for a while and I want to share with you now:

It doesn’t matter if you slip and have some candy, or you miss a workout or two. Your body was not achieved in a day and it cannot be destroyed in one day. 

I’m not saying indulge your cravings every day but don’t beat yourself over a minor setback. Take my good friend Kathleen for example: she topped going to the gym and stopped focusing on what was going into her body because she just fell off the tracks for a little bit. But she’s not beating herself up over it or letting it get to her. Because she knows that she has a strong body that is capable of amazing things. And I’m so proud of her for that, she really is such an inspiration to me.

Together, Kathleen and I inspire each other to go to the gym every day and make sure we’re putting real foods into our bodies and praising it for what it is. I try to go to the gym 4-6 days a week for at least 30 mins and I work on strength training and cardio stamina. Kathleen and I have decided to set non-weight related goals each month and this month I’ve chosen to see if I can run/walk a mile in 18 minutes or less. I’ve always loved running but because of my size, its makes it hard. So I’m working my way up to a good run and will achieve my goal by the end of the month.

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So in conclusion (omg, english teachers everywhere are running around with their heads on fire) I just wanted to share with you my journey, its ups and downs and how an why I view my body the way that I do. I appreciate my body for what it can do and I don’t hate it for what it is not.

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-DF

Daily Prompt: Cheat

via Daily Prompt: Cheat

Ugh, this one hits home for me. I’ve been trying to eat healthy the last few weeks and that was going pretty good considering that my job has complimentary snacks and FANTASTIC cheeseburgers. But I let that all slip the last two days. I guess calling them Cheat Days* is a bit far fetched though. They were more like IDGAF days.

I’ll be honest, today’s bad eating was my fault for sure; I slept way too late and didn’t pack my lunch last night. That’s on me. But on Saturday…boy was I tired and just didn’t have the energy. Friday after work we went to the gym then Corn Fest (can you tell I live in the Midwest?) to meet up with some friends we hadn’t seen since May. That led to us going to a party and staying out until like 1am leaving me with no sleep and no time to prep.

I’ve dealt with hating my body and feeling fat almost all of my life. It wasn’t until recently (around Jan 2015) that I really started to care about myself and as I started getting better, I started understanding that I am a strong woman who has the potential to live a long healthy life. But I need to work for it.

Some people are blessed, but most people are like me- they need to work for that healthy body. I’m not ashamed of my body or what it can do, until I have days like this. Days where I “fell off the wagon.” My plan was to go to the gym after work but all of my gym clothes are covered in sweat and have been sitting in the laundry bag for a few days so here I am.

But tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. I need to get my head back in it. I love the physical aspect of being healthy, its the food that can be trying. Mostly it’s the fact that M&M’s stare at me all day when I’m at work.

I did accomplish one thing though- I registered (last minute, school starts tomorrow) for a US History class at my Community College. I’m officially a sophomore in college!!!!

-DF

*In the future, I will not allow myself to have whole days of cheats, I will limit it to a meal or food item. They are necessary for sanity for sure, but until I can get my body goals met, I will not allow myself a whole day of indulgence.

 

Daily Prompt: Learning

Before I start, I want to apologize if this post is a bit scattered. I’m having a tough day today but I wanted to get at least one post done and out because it’s been like a thousand years since I posted anything.


via Daily Prompt: Learning

I know this a dead horse that I won’t stop beating but I think it’s something that is interesting to talk about…Getting older means learning new things. It means learning what it is that you really like. And learning what you really don’t like.

I used to like extravagant things. I used to live a decadent life. I was so dumb when I was younger. I used to not care about things like money and I cared more about my clothes and what I looked like and what food I ate. I would spend dumb amounts of money on stupid shit. I hate my younger self for that. Growing up means learning.

Now I like the less extravagant. I prefer relaxing nights in rather than going to a bar or a dubstep show. I would rather not wear makeup than spend hours in front of the mirror doing my hair and makeup.

I’ve learned that I really like fishing, reading books and going to the gym. When I was younger, like in my teens, things like that did not excite me. I liked spending stupid money on going to LA every other weekend and getting drunk.

But growing up means learning. Learningn that being an adult is not all about frivilous spending and binge drinking. It’s about quality over quantity. It doesnt matter that you have 10,000 friends on Facebook or how many likes you got on your Instagram photo. It’s that quality of your life. Fuck everything else, if you’re not living the life you want to, then grow up and get your shit together and notice what makes you really happy.

Growing up means learning.

Learning is growing up.

-DF

 

When I was younger…

“I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger…”

– Rod Stewart

These are words that resonate within all of us as we age, but even more so with me now as I try and live my life the way that I want to. I had a great upbringing; my parents were always there for me and my sister when we needed them, there was always food on the table, and lots of love and laughter. There are some lessons, though, that your parent cannot teach you or rather enforce without you learning by mistake.

I want to talk about things that I wish I could go back and tell my younger self if I could. I know I would not be where I am today if I was able to do so and that does make me sad, but obviously I cannot time travel anyways so its not like this is possible.

If I could go back in time, I would…:

1. NEVER let myself smoke a cigarette. I can remember when I was young, a good friend of mine had a mother who would smoke in the house with us around. I always loved the smell of cigarette smoke (except for when I was convinced it gave me pneumonia) and I watched members of my family and my friends’ families smoke and I became fascinated. I was so eager to smoke, not because it looked cool, but because I just wanted to. I honestly wish I could just go back in time and slap the shit out of myself for that. I had my first cigarette when I was 15 and I was hooked. I know people say shit like that all the time, but it was like that for me. Even now as I struggle with the addiction, I still love it. I started using an electronic cigarette over 3 years ago and have only slipped up with the real thing a few times. Cigarettes are enticing bitches who I wish would just leave me alone. Started smoking is my biggest regret in life.

2. Don’t be so damn boy-crazy, don’t obsess over who still is a virgin and who isn’t, its not that big of a deal. When you’re young, having sex is a big deal and you (or at least I) don’t want to be the last one to do it. I can still remember my first real crush and how that first one snowballed into liking almost every boy that I met. I watched all the romance movies and wished I would find someone like that to whisk me off my feet and make me feel cool in the halls of my tiny high school. I was pathetic. Looking back, I get so embarrassed over my boy-craziness. I was mental. And its not like I was very good at hiding my feelings either. I’m sure every boy that I ever liked, knew/knows that I used to like them. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it all works out in the end and that I should heed the advice Jo gave us.

3. Save your money!!! If I would have started saving my money when I was young, I would not be in the state that I am in now. I wish I was better with money, I really do. I don’t know what it is but ever since I was younger I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck which isn’t so bad when you’re young – but almost 30? Yeah that’s sad. I hate myself for not being more financially responsible. I wish I could go back and yell at myself to not be a dummy and to save money!!

4. Go to college right after high school! I was lucky enough to attend school in a time where the country and the state that I lived in had extra money for scholarships. The junior college in the town next to mine offered money to students based on their GPA but I was a dummy and squandered it. I did well in school and received a decent amount for school, but I didn’t take any placement tests and didn’t see a counselor so when it came time for the school year to start I found myself taking useless classes. I kick myself often for this. I could have had a well paying job by now! I was so young and stupid. I’m glad that I’m able to go now, but I wasted 10 years of my life doing shit all and not having a career. I just wish that I could tell myself that college is important and that you can do all that stupid shit after college.

Now I know that if I did go back and change all that, that I would not be anywhere near where I am today and I wouldn’t be with the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I wouldn’t know any of this but who knows, maybe we would end up together.

Is there anything that you wish you could go back and tell your younger self? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter or Instagram @iblog1988.

-DF

I love my new job

I know I’m still in that honeymoon phase where everything is roses and gold, but I’m still so happy. 

My last job was so hard and not in the rewarding and fun way. Let me just tell you that I’m rubbish at sales. I was great as a sales associate at my various other jobs- when there was no commission involved. But that little extra bit was the worst. And the fact that I didn’t feel comfortable telling people that a tablet (that is of no use to them and is going to cost an arm and a leg) is worth getting because it’s “free.” I constantly told my superiors that I felt like a used car salesman, which is not a good thing to say because that makes it seem like I was slinging shit product. It wasn’t. I use it. My family does. A lot of people do. I just sometimes felt like I was misleading customers and felt guilty. Especially to my regulars. I never once lied to them and would often laugh with them at my proposterous proposals. 

I was really good, am really good, at making people happy and creating good raport with people (customers). It was my favorite part of the job- being able to make people happy and making friends along the way. I miss those people a lot because I was so invested in their lives. I still will keep in touch with the ones I’ve collected on Facebook though. 

But with this new job….I get to do something I really like (watching people gamble) and I can talk to people all the time! Plus I can read and write posts between customers. My store is fairly slow so I’m hoping to get to write more often. I do have to be careful because I’m not really supposed to be on my phone all the time but I get all my chores done early so I can relax and help customers throughout the day more. 

It’s a very fun job and such a change of pace from my last job that I’m just ecstatic. 

I don’t have anything helpful to share other than just keep grinding till you find something that you love and it will make it all worth it!

-DF

Boy oh boy

I cannot even begin to describe how sorry I am for my lack of posts. Let me update you a bit on my life…

So I got a job! I work at a local penny-slot location and I absolutely love it. I still only make minimum wage but for WAY less work than what I was doing at my other job for the same pay. Plus I get tips. Which is nice!

We’re still living at the farm and we actually have extended our stay by another week! I am so excited to stay longer and spend more time with my favorite kid ever. M is still diligently looking for work and has a few leads which is very exciting! I’m so proud of him for not giving up. 

Today I want to talk to you about someone else I’m proud of and even someone I look up to: my younger sister. Yeah, you heard me right, I said younger. My sister is such an incredible young woman full of passion and life! She has always been incredibly responsible and so unlike her older sister. She graduated college and is now going on to get her teaching credentials. 

Even as a young teenager, she always worked hard, holding as many as 3-4 jobs at a time. I don’t know anyone who had that determination at such a young age. My Mimzy (long story but it’s what we call each other) has great credit and a good head on her shoulders. 

There’s a 5 year age difference between us and I’m not going to lie to you, we did not always get along. I think I was used to being an only child and I tend to lose my temper easily so she got on my nerves quite often. But as soon as she hit high school, everything changed. I became the protective older sibling I was always meant to be. 

As I now am in school myself, I wish I was as driven as my sister. She has always pushed herself to be her very best, and I wish I had her enthusiasm!


One thing I will say is that she obviously gets her sense of humor from her older sister. I mean, who do you know funnier than me?

I love my sister more than most people and, even though we don’t talk often (time and distance separate us), she will always be my Mimzy. 

Who do you look up to most? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter or Instagram @iblog1988

-DF

Little things that make me happy

Today I want to tell you about a few things that make me happy. Sometimes in life you need a reminder of the small things in life that give you enjoyment. 

These are little things, things that aren’t obvious. These are the things that make me happy! 
– The smell of coffee in the morning 

– How comfy my bed is

– When a dog really loves you

– When M dances

– Hugs and kisses from my Pumpkin

– Surprises

– The first rain

– New books

– Hearing that one song you need to hear

– A cool breeze on a warm day

– Kitty cuddles

– Sunflowers

– Naps

What makes you happy? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter or Instagram @iblog1988

-DF