Finding My Way

I’m gonna get personal (again) because I have so many personal posts that I’ve written and I’m starting to get backed up on them. I have some ideas floating around for some posts that I want to do that will actually be helpful, but you know me, I like talking about myself more than anything.

We’re here at the library again because the 3GB T-Mobile gave us for free didn’t last very long (probably would have lasted longer had my data w/AT&T not run out). We had some thunderstorms yesterday so today is a little over-cast/muggy so I’ve pretty much just read (Furiously Happy…be on the look out for that book review), drank coffee, and went back to sleep for a few hours. Now we’ve escaped here until our friend Coach comes over to fish for a bit and have dinner with us. I figured I’d try to get a post out in the short time that we’ll be here.

This leaf…

I admire the resilience of this leaf. It’s been there since day one, through wind and rain and travel. I once tried to remove it by flicking the screen but it didn’t move.

I hope to be as resilient as this leaf someday as I’m still finding my way through life. I hope to be unwavering in my goals, stopping at nothing to achieve them and my dreams. Getting shit done and not leaving until I get the result that I want. I’ve gone through about 10 different majors that I’ve wanted to major in from teacher to lawyer to environmentalist but I can never stick with one longer than a semester. The only one that I’m for sure sticking with (I plan on double majoring) is English obviously. I’ve always loved to write but I’ve always brushed off the compliments and encouragement that I’ve gotten from friends, family and teachers alike.

I want to be able to take charge of my life and lead not be lead. I’ve always hated being told that I had to do something a certain way, I like to let my creativity help me find solutions. The only jobs that I’ve had that let me be creative (other than my office job where I didn’t need to be creative often as it was a very easy-going job with barely any problems) were when I worked at a toy store (Earth Child…hippies….) and when I was merchandiser at Old Navy. As an adult, my creativity has fluctuated because I stopped letting it flourish for a few years after high school, which I kick myself for. Had I gone to college right away and gone with what I originally wanted to be (interior designer and commercial staging) maybe I wouldn’t be as lost as I am now. But I would have never met M and I wouldn’t have the amazing circle of friends that I have now (that includes the friends back home to, I still love you guys more than you know). Since I started dating M, I’ve gotten more creative and I have him and his mother to thank for that. My mother has always inspired me to be very creative and I know I get that side of my personality from her. But when I started dating M and moved out here, I was away from her. Luckily M’s mom raised him (and his brother) as very creative and unique humans. M is very creative, and talanted to boot, and has inspired me to get back that side of me. Every time his mother is here, we have some time to paint or draw and I love that.

So then where will I fit? Business? Is that where I’m headed? I don’t want to get stuck in a stuffy office job though. I could always go with marketing like M did, but I’m terrible at knowing what other people want unless I really know them. So what else in business is there? I guess I could always talk to a counselor. But I can’t go back to school until M figures out where he’s getting a job at. It’s another thing, like not going to the gym, that’s going to drive me crazy. I already waited so long to go to school, I don’t want to wait any longer.

I’ve been reading a lot of “self-help” books, I use quotes because I don’t think that’s the right term for them. I think they’re more like self-empowerment book. Whatever they’re called, they are inspiring me even more to be a better person and get shit done.

So whatever I end up doing in life, I hope to be a strong and empowering role model for someone. I don’t have to be a female-only role model because I think anyone can be inspired by anyone.

I hope I find my way soon because this journey is becoming tiresome.


When did you know what you wanted to do in life? Or have you figured it out yet? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter or Instagram @iblog1988


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