I guess I’m gonna take this a different way


Warning:  Also, it’s VERY long.

So when I think or see the word “awe” I think of like “awe honey thanks” because that’s something that I say quite often.

Obviously, these prompts are my own perception of what it means. So that’s what I think of when I see “awe.”

I wanna talk about my honey. My M. How we met, why I fell in love with him, how we keep the magic alive, etc.

Let’s rewind to 2012…

My best friend K and I had a HUGE falling out late 2010/early 2011 because I was hanging with a different crowd, smoking weed (and doing other recreational drugs), and listening to dub-step. She is NOT into those things so we lost touch.

But mid 2012, I started having reactions when I smoked weed (found out yesterday from my therapist that it was the weed reacting with the chemical imbalance in my brain) so I wasn’t smoking anymore and we started trying to hang out again. It was hard at first because I had panic attacks a lot. Like we had fantastic seats for an SF Giants game and I had such a bad panic attack that we had to leave in the 3rd inning.

Around this same time my dad had started to get into hockey, and me being the daddy’s girl that I am, so I started getting it too. It sort of worked out because K and her sister were going to the local Junior College’s hockey games (K’s sister worked for them) so I decided to start going with them.

I will never forget the first game that I went to. It was the first time that I saw M. I can still picture it in my head, and if I could go back in time I would tell my past self to jump on him then so I could have a few extra months with him. So we’re sitting at the game watching them warm-up before the game. I remember seeing this SEXY man on the ice and turning to K and asking her who #91 was. Her sister immediately turned to me and said “Oh that’s M, he thinks he’s from the south bay but its not the real south bay. He’s a Dodgers fan too. He’s totally into himself.” So obviously I was intrigued…he was just so sexy, big butt (guilty pleasure on all genders), handlebar mustache, kinda scraggly looking; totally my type. I was totally swooning from day one on this guy.

Later that night we went to the after-game bar they all went to after their games. This was the first time I met M but not the first time he met me. He was pretty drunk and there was this really creepy guy hitting on me and me being the awkward human that I am, I didn’t know how to fend off creeps, I asked M to pretend to be my boyfriend. He was pretty messed up and was like “yeah sure” and I was so flustered because for me, it was love at first sight.

Fast forward to January 2013 at an after party at one of the boys houses. M is rocking the fuuuuuu out of a tweed suit, hair slicked back – how could I resist? I did something so out of the ordinary that night, I hit on HIM. I was raised very traditionally and was always under the impression that the man had to make the first move. I guess my moves worked because he was all about this.

We ended up hanging out back at his place until the wee hours of the morning. The next day we made breakfast and watched hockey. It was perfect. He walked me to my car and gave me a kiss and watched me drive away. Obviously I had to go meet up with K and her sister (also a K, so we’ll just call her sister) to give them the details.

That one night turned into a 3+ year relationship. We started dating a few weeks after that first night. I “broke” my back a few months in so I moved in with him (my parents house was a 2 story that I couldn’t walk up the stairs in). Plus we’re both older (I’m not 28 and he’s 31) so adults know what they want and go for it. He only had a semester of school left at the JC so when he was done he was going to move back home, to the “South Bay” (sorry hon, the only south bay is the one under San Francisco). It seemed like it was going to be the end of us. I couldn’t handle it. I helped him move back down to LA and met his mother and family. I’m sorry, but looking back I was a fool for thinking he was actually going to break up with me.

It was really tough leaving him down in LA as I drove back up/home with K, her sister and their grandfather (one of my fave humans who happens to share his birthday with me). We decided to do long distance but it wasn’t that hard because he came back up for a family party and met everyone and came on the family trip we had that summer. It was so much fun. All the while, we were falling deeper and deeper in love.

In August, he found out where he had gotten into school to finish his degree – halfway across the country. I had a feeling that he was going to ask me to move but he never did. I was sorta sad about the whole thing but was trying to make the best of what time we had left till he moved. We both we’re going to be in Las Vegas the weekend before he was moving out to IL, like these trips were planned before we even started dating. As per usual, he asked me to help him move.

We ventured out at 5am, hungover, on our way east. I was nervous and excited at the same time. He still hadn’t asked me to move with him which was still annoying but I was letting it go. We were on the road, movies at the ready. It was a few day drive so we stopped in random hotels along the way, taking in as much scenery as possible.

On the third day there was man….no I’m kidding, on the third day we arrived in the small Midwest town that we would call home for the next 3 years. Today we celebrated our 3 and a half years together by buying ourselves a travel trailer to be our tiny home for the next few months.

I guess that’s why when I see “awe” I think of M because I saw “awe honey” a lot. He does sweet things for me. More than he should. He surprises me all the time and I love him for it.



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