Empty

Empty

It’s an interesting thing to think about. I’ve been feeling empty, but not in the sense that I used to before my medication. I feel bored. As some of my readers may know, I recently had back surgery. It’s left me in a state of helplessness. Although, the strong pain pills are a plus, it’s given me a chance to really think about what I want in life. To fill the emptiness.

I should probably warn my readers, I took a norco about an hour ago. I had PT and regular therapy today so my body and mind are exhausted.

Empty…

My house is becoming more and more empty. Bare I guess would be a better word. We have 8 days left in this house. We don’t have a place to live. We will be homeless. M found a nice trailer on craigslist but the guy hasn’t called us back. We’ve been working tirelessly to get the house packed so that the new owners can move in on time. We have to get a storage unit soon so that we can do something with all our furniture. It’s weird seeing the cabinets so bare.

Empty

As I have been off work, my bank account is slowly becoming more and moe empty. I need to go back to work but my jobs is crap. I don’t want to go back. I only miss the people one friend I have there. My DM is an asshole. The company that bought our company is screwing us all over. I want out but I can’t leave until I get a job. Which I have been feverishly applying for.

Empty

How I wish my mind was. I have so much weighing on me. I have so much that I need to do that it keeps running around in my head. I can’t make it quiet. I wish I had my ecig back. I miss it. I should have kicked the cravings by now, its been over a month since I had any nicotine and a few weeks since I puffed on the zero nicotine stuff. Even when there was no nicotine, I still felt the relief. I thought it only too 7 days to break a habit?

Empty

Something that I don’t feel as often anymore, a feeling that I am greatful has left me. I am grateful for my medication that keeps the darkness away. I’m happy to announce to those who have been following, I finally saw a psychiatrist and he changed my dosage so fingers crossed I’ll be feeling less panicky very soon! I appreciate all the support I have been receiving, both in my real life (those people don’t read this, I still want to keep this private from them) and the people online that I have met through various social networks. It means a lot to have people in my corner rooting for me.

So I guess I’m not all that empty after all!

-DF

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